Ah, energy. That mystical force that allows normal people to somehow survive another day. For me, it’s less about energy drinks and more about a carefully curated selection of existential dread and lack of horticultural experience.
Here’s what truly fuels the complex machine:
The silent scream of my lettuce. Nothing gets my adrenal glands pumping like walking out to my vegetable garden and seeing a family of snails throwing a rampage on my romaine. The sheer panic, the furious shaking of fists at the sky — it’s a better wake-up call than any double espresso. It’s not just energy — it’s pure, unadulterated rage fuel.
The elusive low-carb hype. As a man on a perpetual quest to eat fewer carbohydrates, I get a huge boost of energy reading the label of a vegan bar only to discover it may contain milk. My mind starts to analyze — are vegans okay with this? The resulting spike of cynicism could power a small city for weeks.
My kids’ unanswered questions. Dad, why are you hiding in the shed? — the sheer mental gymnastics required to fabricate answers that are both believable and will prevent future therapy sessions is a cardio workout for my brain. It’s exhausting, but it sure keeps me on my toes.
The fear of my wife’s — I have an idea — tone. That specific cadence in her voice that suggests our household ecosystem is about to be optimized. It usually involves me moving heavy objects back and forth, and I call it — survival mode. The immediate cortisol rush is better than any energy drink.
Testing products of questionable usefulness. Is there anything more invigorating than taking the first bite of a plant based bacon that tastes like salted cardboard? The thrill of potential failure is a powerful stimulant. I do it for you, dear reader. Mostly.
So there you have it. Forget sunlight and meditation. True, lasting energy comes from the beautiful chaos of a life — half lived, constantly on the brink of a minor gardening disaster or a major caloric miscalculation.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go yell at some aphids.
You can find the original version of this post on my blog full of product reviews and daily writing prompts: HERE!