Let’s be honest, we’ve all thought about it. What would we actually do if the world ended? The zombie apocalypse! The first, most crucial rule to remember is this – it only takes one bite to kill you. Let me repeat that. One bite! So, when you’re faced with more than one zombie – run. Always run!
Having a rich arsenal of skills and talents is a major asset. The more you have, the better you’ll fare. It also makes you a more interesting person at post-apocalyptic campfire gatherings! I enjoy learning new things, but I still feel there are gaps in my knowledge. There are still many skills I want to learn to meet the challenge head-on when the undead start shuffling down my street.
Here is my current curriculum for the end of the world:
How to break into a car? This is a truly fascinating skill, aside from the fact you could just smash a window! But that’s not even half the battle. How do you actually start the engine without the keys? During a zombie apocalypse, this could be one of the most useful abilities to have. This is a top priority.
How to hack computers? Let’s assume we’ll still have access to electricity, somehow. How do you dig through systems or even break into poorly secured computers on a local network, without downloading advanced hacking software? Will such skills be useful during the end of the world? I have no idea. But as the saying goes, it’s better to have a skill and not need it, than to need it and not have it. Who knows, maybe the key to a hidden bunker is on some old, forgotten server?
Pickpocketing! A true urban phenomenon. It requires large crowds and tons of people carrying loads of cash – something you rarely find in quiet rural areas. Could it be useful during a zombie plague? The situation looks identical to computer hacking. I probably won’t be lifting wallets from the undead, but in the early chaos, it might come in handy. It’s all about being prepared!
How to pick a lock? Whether it’s a door lock or a padlock, having the tools and knowledge to break into locked rooms is obviously incredibly useful. This skill is a sure bet. It’s bound to come in handy. From securing a safehouse to liberating canned goods from an abandoned supermarket, this is perhaps the most practical item on my list. A paperclip and an adjustable wrench might just become your best friends.
Hunting! But not the kind with a rifle. I know how to skin a rabbit. I know how to pluck a chicken. But I have no idea how to actually catch one! My hunting strategy currently consists of hoping an animal voluntarily walks into my kitchen. This is a critical flaw in my survival plan. I need to learn how to set snares, track game, and basically do anything more active than just waiting patiently near a vegetable patch.
Of course, if the zombie apocalypse does happen, there’s always the option to simply join the horde. Then your only worry is finding fresh brains. It’s a simpler, if less dignified, career path.