And there it is! Weather straight out of a travel brochure, a day off, so instead of lying flat like a pancake — I tackled the less nasty half of the garden. The lawn? Easy job: mower, fertiliser, done. Green and even.

But the pots, rhubarb, and bushes? Now that wasn’t such a fragrant task. Because if it’s going to be healthy, it has to stink — that’s the gardener’s rule. Out came the autumn mix of dried manure — an aroma that scares off the neighbours and attracts earthworms. On top of that, a bit of mulch to hide the crime scene, and done. Checked off the list, garden survived, and so did I.