I’m so done with this cold wind and endless rain! Everyone knows a dream vegetable garden means:

• Warm rays of sunshine.
• Cheerful little leaves waving at you in the breeze.
• Juicy veggies ripening at the perfect pace.

And here? I’ve got some kind of hydrological experiment going on.

• Rain? Pouring down in buckets for two weeks straight — non-stop!
• Wind? Blasting like it’s back in Tsarist times!
• Sun? Probably took a vacation.

I’d love to show off pictures of my harvest, but the tomatoes are in hibernation, carrots are staging a growth boycott, cucumbers aren’t even trying and the grass? Oh, it’s thriving! Growing like crazy, fully aware that in this weather I can’t mow it, so it’s growing out of spite. The little pest.

I look in the mirror and see a wet, frozen man who dreams of sunshine, hates his grass, and wonders if 14 days of relentless downpour officially qualifies as seasonal depression.

So that’s the end of today’s weather rant. I’ll leave you to your own reflections. Stay warm — I’m off to look for my rubber boots and cry over my garden.