The only good thing I can say about rats is that they have excellent taste, at least when it comes to food. They always show up where the finest treats await them.

Unfortunately, my bird feeder, filled with seeds and nuts, is apparently the pinnacle of their culinary dreams. Seriously, these little monsters can smell a single seed through a wall from 50 meters away! I can’t even smell a cheesecake under those conditions, and believe me, cheesecake is a real delicacy!

Yesterday was Saturday, a day off, so I got down to some serious work first thing in the morning. First, I dismantled the strawberry stand, and then I started taking apart the old plastic fence. Right behind it is a wall that’s probably a hundred years old – and looks like it has just as many holes. Armed with glass wool and expanding foam, I plugged every opening to block their path. Finally, I laid out a few more rat traps and reassembled the fence.

I thought I’d solved the problem, until I checked the footage from the night camera. It turned out the rats had found another way to get to the feeder! And worse – two of them came at once! It’s all because of our zombie apocalypse shelter, which my wife calls a shed. Unfortunately, there are narrow gaps between the walls. Of course, I had to go back to stuffing holes with glass wool, even though I ran out of expanding foam. Luckily, I have plenty of poison, so I laid it out in strategic spots. Bon appétit!

What if I bought an owl, a hawk, or a rattlesnake? I also thought about shooting them with an air rifle.

Rats are an endless battle. I suppose I could kill a hundred, and new ones would still come. I suspect they’ll even exist long after our civilization falls, so dear readers, spare yourselves any attempts to evoke empathy or sympathy for these creatures in me. I know rats are intelligent. I once had a little white rat and I liked him, but that doesn’t change the fact that these rats in the garden only stir up anger in me.

The only consolation? At least I don’t have bats in the attic!